Have you ever looked in the mirror and hated what you saw? Me too! One of the hardest things we do in life is love ourselves, and yet, with all the love we pour into others, it should be the absolute fundamental thing we do. It’s like the flight survival mode rule: put your own oxygen mask on first. Well, let’s face it, as we age, some of us only get the chance to glance quickly at our once youthful, flare-filled faces. We barely look at our bodies anymore because we are no longer our bouncy, youthful selves. Time has hung on our midpoints, and unless you’ve been told your curves are beautiful, it’s a difficult thing to accept that they really are.

As my regular readers know, I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery, re-working my own perception of myself. It’s been a challenging and a battle, to say the least. This all came to a head after a relationship that bombed me with adoration. For those who haven’t experienced it, this is when someone showers you with so much affection, compliments, and attention that it feels like a dream. When it ended, I couldn’t help but think that all they said was a lie—that my curves were not beautiful, my scars were flaws, and their words were just manipulation. It was a tough pill to swallow, and for a while, I let those thoughts take over.

So, I decided to do something about it. No, not the Ozempic jabs you see circulating on social media, but something a little less drastic. Over the past ten months, I have cut out anything I used to binge on and took myself on regular wellness walks. In addition to this, I also booked a boudoir photography shoot. This was, for me, one of the bravest things I have ever done—tastefully undressing in front of a camera.

Honestly, I was a bag of nerves at the beginning, but I was swiftly made to feel comfortable by Paul Ottley Photography (paulottley@gmail.com). We had the shoot at the incredible @the_traditional_house_doncast. Not only was it local, but the grounds, rooms, and décor were absolutely stunning! It was the perfect backdrop for what I wanted and felt comfortable with. The studio host gave us the warmest welcome and offered guidance, confidence, and support. She truly made me feel at ease, as did Paul!

I know people’s first thoughts might be of “sleazy” photography, but I assure you, these were not. Each photo was done with such taste and elegance. The experience demonstrated that my own mind can play havoc and damage your thought process sometimes beyond repair. For the first time, it enabled me to truly see what others see. Perhaps the ex’s words weren’t lies after all—that even with all my scars, my “mum tum,” and my curves, beauty is there. Beauty can be visual and not just skin deep. Beauty is more than words; beauty is an art, a masterpiece, and the greatest of all grand designs. We, as the skeletons and architects, should be proud of our flaws within our designs.